The Secret to a Happier Relationship Part 2

DIGGING DEEPER         02/09/2015   The Secret to a Happier Relationship         Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things that Make a Big Difference by Shaunti Feldhahn 6 Keys of What Looking Higher Looks Like 1. They Worship Together - Overwhelmingly, those Yes! couples who brought up reliance on God said they attended church together. Instead of a belief in God being the key factor, the commitment to do something about it—starting with going to church together—seems to be the key component in a happy marriage. 2. They Are Plugged Into a Faith Community - One very clear habit of the Yes! couples was a mutual friendship with other positive, supportive couples, including mentors. So it makes sense that churchgoing Yes! couples were highly likely to mention the need not just to go to church but also to be plugged in and active in their faith community. These couples mentioned being in home groups together, doing group Bible studies, engaging in service projects together, and so on—all of which are venues that provide opportunities to befriend, get support from, and share life with others. 3. They Share Key Values - Although I certainly spoke to some Yes! couples where the two partners identified with two different faiths, I found that to be a less common situation. One of the reasons that many committed churchgoing Yes! couples were happy is that both spouses were trying to adhere to a higher, external standard (the Bible) that they both agreed on, and thus they weren’t as likely to have a severe clash of values about important life topics such as parenting, sex, and money. 4. They Focus on Serving Their Spouses, Rather Than on Being Served - The importance of a focus on serving rather than being served received multiple mentions regardless of whether or not the person I was talking to was a person of faith. But the vast majority of Christian couples I interviewed brought it up.       Look to God for fulfillment and security     5. They Look to God for That Power to Be Selfless— Because It Doesn’t Come Naturally! - The Yes! couples mentioned the deepdown struggle [to be selfless]. But they also frequently mentioned the answer— and it wasn’t simple willpower. Because if selfishness is indeed (as the Bible says) deep down in our natures, it would be pretty hard to generate enough willpower to consistently do the selfless, loving, giving thing. Every. Single. Time. Now, obviously, none of us can truly be perfectly selfless! But the Bible does give hope that a higher power is available to help. For example, in one of his letters, the apostle Paul wrote, “See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to everyone else.” He then promises, “God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful.” I’m sure that is why many of the Yes! couples) emphasized the need to rely on God’s power—not our o wn. 6. Ultimately, They Trust God for the Outcome - I have spoken to enough couples on both ends of the happiness spectrum to know that it can be scary to commit to meeting your spouse’s needs regardless of whether you expect to get your own needs met. But a powerful paradox can be hiding in that exchange. In fact, trusting God instead of another to meet your needs might be the most enduring security-producing choice you ever make. How About Door Number Three? Ultimately, it was clear that looking higher allowed the happiest marriages to flourish because each partner was looking to God for fulfillment and security and was not looking to marriage for something it was not designed to deliver. A large number of Yes! couples emphasized that although it is wonderful to want and to work for happy marriages, expecting marriage (or our spouses) to make us happy is a trap, since there is no human relationship that holds the key to happiness. Only God can provide that ultimate fulfillment we are all longing for.       By Shaunti Feldhahn         K-LOVE - 5700 West Oaks Blvd. Rocklin, CA 95765 - (800) 525-LOVE (5683)     FACEBOOK     TWITTER     YOUTUBE     LISTEN ONLINE     FAQS       We hope you found this message to be useful. This email was sent as part of your membership at Educational Media Foundation, the parent company of K-LOVE Radio. Your email address is not sold to or shared with a third party. We sometimes use third parties to fulfill services for us, like email sending or music survey tests. In those cases they will have access to your information for the strict purpose of fulfilling their tasks. 5700 West Oaks Blvd., Rocklin, CA 95765 This email was sent to you at: lisatim93.labellabling@blogger.com Click here if you wish to Unsubscribe or click here to Edit your profile.